“For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson
I recently just extricated myself from a precarious situation. And now, I am incredibly angry at the person that directed a web of lies and spun a factory of fabrication. So I got to thinking. What do you do when you’re this angry with someone? How are you supposed to behave? What steps should you take when all you want to do is scream and shout and yell from the rooftops?
The truth? I don’t often get angry. In fact, it’s pretty rare. If you ask anyone that knows me, they would tell you the same thing. But I wanted to convey these feelings as they were fresh in my mind, because one of the most cathartic ways that I know of cleansing my palette of emotions, is to actually write about them.
We all have our breaking points, so to speak. We can all take so much and then we crack. I’ve recently reached that point. But it’s only been after a number of things went south. They say that bad things come in threes, but I’m not quite sure if that’s true or if it’s something we’ve convinced ourselves of.
Regardless, I’m angry. I’m so angry at someone that I could just cry. Has this happened to you before? I know it’s happened to me. I often default back to the Golden Rule and tell myself that success is the best revenge and that we should leave everything else to karma. But what happens when you don’t want to do that? What else can you do when you’re this angry at someone?
How To Deal With Someone You’re So Angry With
Okay, okay, so you’re angry. So am I. What should we do about it? I’ve been sitting here and thinking about different ways of dealing with this situation. I’ve conducted my online searches and have come up with a lot of not-so-great advice. So I’ve dug deep into the far-reaches of my mind and have concluded the following.
First, let me premise this by saying that I don’t actually believe in revenge in the evil sense. If you’re looking to deal with someone that’s made you incredibly angry and upset, you could of course voice your opinion in public forums and open spaces. The internet is replete with things of that nature.
However, that isn’t always the best option. It isn’t always that great to seek actual revenge against someone because it shifts the focus of the mind in the wrong direction. What’s a better approach than trying to make someone else’s life miserable that has possibly done some very wrong things to you?
Well, here’s what I suggest you try…
#1 — Do Not Medicate!
Okay, okay, here’s the first thing. In fact, this is actual something you shouldn’t do. Don’t medicate. Don’t drink or do drugs or do anything else that’s going to intensify your feelings. Why? Because, things might spiral out of control before you can reel yourself back in. Don’t pop a prescription pill or use something else that’s going to cloud your judgment.
I know that this might be hard for most people, especially if they’re addicted to said medications. Yes. I understand that. But you have to steer clear. Don’t go drinking with your buddies or something else of that nature when you’re in this state of mind. It’s only going to egg you on to do really bad things.
Now, I don’t drink. I don’t do drugs. I don’t take pills. I don’t do anything to pollute my body or my mind. If I did, I don’t think I would be able to run and manage this blog when I have a million other things to do, and do it so effectively. So, that’s my first piece of advice to you. Stay away from medicating at all costs.
#2 — It’s Okay To Feel Angry
There’s nothing wrong with anger. It’s okay. You can feel angry. Why not? You’re a human being at the end of the day and you are an emotional monster. That’s not a bad thing. We’re all that way. We’re filled with thoughts and emotions that subsequently affect all of our behavior along with the quality and outcome of our lives.
Go ahead and feel the anger. I mean, really feel it. Sit still and allow that emotion to wash over you. Allow the tide to come in and close your eyes. Think about it like an ocean of waves. Okay, maybe a tidal wave! But feel it as it comes ashore in your conscious mind. Feel it as it breaches land and really embrace it.
Sounds strange? I know it might be. But that’s just what you need to do. Don’t run from it. Grab hold of it. Walk around it. Look at it from another perspective. Watch yourself being drawn into it. Then let it go. Watch as those waves move away from the shore and out into the distance. Just don’t run from it. It’s part of the healing process.
#3 — Ask Yourself Why
Okay, I know why I’m angry right now. But what about you? Has it just been a string of things that have happened? Is it stress that built up over the recent days or weeks or months, or even years for that matter? It’s okay that you bowed and cracked. It’s okay that you lost your cool. But why did it happen?
I’ve asked myself that same question recently. Sometimes, it’s the straw that broke the proverbial camel’s back. It’s not the last event, it’s what occurred almost directly before it. So take a look at what happened. What made you so angry? Why did you feel that way?
It really helps to write out your feelings down on a piece of paper. It helps to catalog your thoughts. Ask yourself a series of questions about why this situation made you so angry. Why did you crack under the pressure? Why did you flip? It’s okay. Just write it down so that you can gain some perspective on your emotions.
#4 — What Goes Around Comes Around
Okay, before you go seeking revenge, just know this — what goes around, comes around. Yes, we’ve all heard it before. But it’s true. As much as you might want to go hurt another person, it’s really uncalled for. You don’t need to do it. You can get angry and blow off steam, but don’t do something to physically harm that person. It’s not worth it.
Karma will act on its own, in accordance with its own Law. You don’t need to do anything for that to occur. If someone intentionally maligned or harmed you, it will come back to them. It might take a very long time for that to happen, but it will. You don’t need to worry yourself about it.
While that might not instill immediate solace into your mind, it’s the truth. What goes around will always come around. Let that thought sit and marinate before tiring your mind by thinking about all the things you want to do to hurt a person that harmed you or bruised your ego.
#5 — There Is Pure Power In Focus
Rather than worry yourself by focusing on negative things, shift your focus. Negativity will beget negative results. While it’s easy to be so angry at someone and want to seek some form of revenge, by staying in that negative space you will only attract more negative things to your life.
For example, if you find yourself getting extremely angry, you’re going to absolve a lot of your energy doing that. Negative energy consumes more personal resources than positive energy. In effect, it’s easier to love than it is to hate. I know that it’s easy for me to make this statement, but it’s far harder to heed this advice, but no truer words have been spoken.
Shift your focus. Ask yourself what you could learn from this situation. Ask yourself what you could gain from the knowledge of this interaction should you have to do it again. Don’t seek outright revenge. Focus on love and positivity and spiritual growth. That’s what life is all about.
#6 — Put Yourself In The Other Person’s Shoes
Look, we’ve all made mistakes in the past. My life is littered with one mistake after another. What you need to do is realize, first and foremost, that you’re not perfect. Once you realize that you’re not perfect, put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Maybe you’ve done something similar in the past. Maybe you haven’t. Doesn’t matter. Try to think about how they feel.
What do you think motivated them to behave in the way that they did? What do you think inspired them to make you so angry? What was the driving force of that? Maybe you’ve done something similar in your life. Just try to envision things from the other person’s shoes. See how you feel.
It isn’t the easiest exercise. But pull out a pen and paper and write down how you would feel as the other person. Take it from their perspective. Do your best to restructure the situation so that you can look at things differently.
#7 — Forgive But Don’t Forget
The bible states that we have to forgive others.
“For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” — Matthew 6:14-15
However, that doesn’t necessarily mean that we have to forget. So forgive them. They messed up. You’re angry. So what? Why escalate the situation? Fill your heart with love and forgive. Go to church and pray about it if you must. If you’re not religious, then release that energy to the universe. That’s all.
The longer you don’t forgive, the longer you will feel this animosity that will entirely consume you. Yes, I too am angry right now, but that’s okay. That doesn’t mean I won’t forgive. I won’t forget. That’s for sure. But I will forgive. Let go of that negative energy and learn to forgive. Your mind will feel much more at ease.
#8 — Go To The Gym Or Go For A Run
Okay, so maybe you need to work it off. Go for a run. Go to the gym. Sweat it out. Channel all of that anger into a positive direction by doing something that will benefit your health. Not only will exercising give you physical health, but also mental and emotional health. You’ll feel way better after you’ve worked off all of that aggression. Believe me.
If you’re out of shape, all the more reason why you need to do this. Go for a brisk walk. Walk up a hill. Sweat. Do something that’s outside of your comfort zone. You need to get moving and doing things if you don’t want to sit steeped in a certain set of emotions. It’s not easy altering and changing your behavior, but if you’re serious about letting some of that anger go, then you have to.
You are going to feel so much better after you’ve had a chance to work off those emotions. Cooler minds will most certainly prevail in a situation like this. Don’t discount the benefits of some strenuous exercise to release all of those built up tensions.
#9 — Let At Least 24 Hours Pass Before Responding
You need to give it time. Time will heal all wounds and everything good occurs within a certain frame of time. Don’t fire something off like an email or a message when you’re at the peak of anger. As much as you want to do it, it’s best that you wait. When those emotions and the tide of hate has retreated, then you can respond. And only then.
We say terrible things in the heat of the moment. And, the heat of the moment can burn you for a lifetime. So don’t do it. Don’t get so angry and fire something off right away. Sit and think about it. Analyze your emotions and adjust your response. I know it hurts and we are propelled by anger towards what someone did, but don’t allow it to utterly consume you.
When you’re angry at someone, it’s your duty to wait to respond. Nothing good will come out of that heated exchange. Nothing. Absolutely zero. Zilch Nada. So think about it a bit.
#10 — Watch A Sitcom Or A Comedy
The final way that I would suggest responding to someone after a situation has utterly angered you, is to watch something funny. Maybe it’s a sitcom. Maybe your favorite rerun of Seinfeld or some other series that you love. Maybe you watch a funny movie that you absolutely adore.
Comedy instills laughter. And laughter is nature’s tool for healing. Those positive endorphins and enzymes do so much to help us that we often fail to notice it. Just turn off all your devices and watch something funny. Disconnect your smartphone from the internet and power down your laptop. Make some popcorn and sit back and relax for a while.
After a turbulent situation, it’s good to just relax and vegetate. It feels good to disconnect and laugh a bit. Don’t take life so seriously. It’s here one moment then gone the next. That’s the fragility of this world. Savor every moment and realize that it could all be gone tomorrow. So don’t be so angry all the time.