“Before You Embark On A Journey Of Revenge, Dig Two Graves” — Confucius
I’m not the vengeful type. I’m just not. I just can’t see myself trying to destroy another human being no matter what the situation. That’s not to say that I haven’t sought revenge in the past. I have. But as much as I’ve wanted to, I never really followed through on a grand scale. And while I had never heard the following quote in the past, it now resonates with me. It was Confucius who said it. He stated that, “Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.”
Now, I was sitting here and thinking about this quote and its meaning to me. I was thinking about it because of something that recently happened in my life. It’s a story that I think you’ll get enormous value from. It’s a tale of taking the higher road and where that’s led me as opposed to taking the darker and more vengeful path that could have led to a very ominous destination. Thankfully I chose the former over the latter.
But when you hear the quote, “Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves,” what does it mean to you? To me, it means that if you’re seeking revenge, you might as well destroy, not only the other person or persons, but also yourself. Because, in that journey of revenge, as you vibrate at the negative frequency associated with it, you doom yourself and your future prospects along with it.
I know. I know. Here’s what you’re thinking. You were so wronged in such a massive way, that you’re completely within your rights to seek revenge. I get it. I can’t attest to every situation and every situation is different, along with the person that it impacts. But I can tell you that if you do go the revenge route, you’re destined for failure. It will come back around to you, even if the other person or persons completely deserves it. Just don’t seek revenge. That’s all.
Before You Embark On Your Journey Of Revenge, Consider This..
There’s a reason why I wanted to talk about revenge for a moment. Recently, I’ve given a couple of presentations about a company that I’m building called, Kribbz. The reason why I bring this up is that, had a particular situation not happened to me, that company, along with the partnerships that I’ve formed to create it, would never have materialized. Instead of seeking revenge, I chose an alternate route.
So before you embark on your own journey of revenge, you should definitely consider this. What Confucius meant by that saying that you should dig two graves, really should resonate with you. Keep in mind that you’re dooming yourself along with whoever it is that you’re seeking revenge against. And you should reconsider any attempt to seek revenge on anyone, no matter what the situation.
For me, I know it was a tough decision. I had the chance to literally ruin someone’s life, and I took the alternate route. But it took a lot of prayer and faith to make that decision. It wasn’t done easily. But I’m so happy for it. Because, had I sought the revenge that I desired, it would have interrupted by progress. I just don’t have it in me to really destroy another human being. I just don’t. And I’m so glad for that.
Once you start vibrating on that frequency of negativity, you attract all types of negative situations. I might have ignored the desire to add value and help others while trying to seek that revenge. I would have ignored a lot other things, in fact, just to be sure I put that revenge into play. Had I done that, how could I have focused on adding value and changing the world and helping others in the process? I couldn’t have. That’s how.
Why You’ll Dig Two Graves If You Seek Revenge
Now, if you don’t know the entire story of what happened to me, then here’s a summary. I developed a real estate platform for vacation rentals to rent out high-end homes and penthouses that were priced at roughly $2,000 per night and up. I registered the domain, designed the logo, built the website and created a revolutionary platform that automated the entire business. Literally, it was enterprise-level for what that software could achieve.
Now, very few people can afford that price tag. I know. But there were also huge margins in it for us. So, we were able to get things off the ground by piggybacking off of popular vacation rental sites. One year into dev of the platform, I brought in a partner. A year after that, we had cashflow. And another year after that, we had our big falling out and everything came crashing down. The funny thing is, a week after our dispute he registered a new company in Delaware to conduct business.
Although we had a non-compete, he effectively voided that. I could have done so much to him legally and also digitally. But I didn’t. I focused on positivity. When it all collapsed, I reached out to others to help them. I started with Russell Brunson, then David Sharpe, then Ryan Deiss, and afterwards, Roland Frasier. Frasier was my super-connector. He linked me up with people like Dean Graziosi (who introduced me to Joe Polish), John Assaraf, Kent Clothier, Jason Fladlien (the webinar king), Drew Canole, and so many others.
It was pretty surreal meeting and hanging out with some of these all-stars. I am thankful and grateful to Frasier, who has helped me in more ways than I could count. And all of that transpired from me helping him, then helping everyone in his rolodex. Had I focused on revenge, I would have dug two graves, one for myself, and for my ex-business partner. But not just that. I would have lost the opportunities that came about by not seeking revenge.
There’s a big lesson in that. It’s not just the fact that you shouldn’t be vengeful. That’s pretty obvious. The other lesson is that of adding value. It’s about going out into the world and helping others. If that means you have to work for weeks or months at a time for free, do it. You’ll get more progress by doing this for the biggest influencers in the world than you would get by simply working on your own.
What’s The Right Path Forward?
So, what’s the alternative to revenge? What do you do to focus your mind, not on seeking revenge, but on adding value to the world? I think there’s an element of faith that comes into play here. You have to trust that there’s a bigger purpose at play here. Lean on your faith for this. That’s how you find the right path forward. It’s not in immersing yourself in negativity. The right path is found on the higher road.
You always have the choice on what to do. Choosing one path or another is based upon free will. It’s ultimately your decision and no one else’s. But you can’t live your life trying to hurt others. There’s just no value in it. And there’s no way you’ll leave any sort of legacy behind if that’s all that you focus on. Instead, you have to shift your focus. Fill your heart with gratitude and love and appreciation for the things you have as opposed to the things you’ve lost.
I know it’s hard. Obviously it is. When everything inside of you is screaming to get revenge, you have to stem that tide. You really do. I assure you that nothing good is going to come out of it. In the moment, it might give you some sense of satisfaction. But you’ll quickly feel regret over time. Instead, let go of it. Let go of the negative emotions and energy associated with that association. And forgive the other person.
The truth is that you’re not perfect. Neither am I. We’ve all done bad things. Try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Think back to situations where you did something that was bad to hurt someone else. Just envision that for a moment and how that whole situation played out. Think about how bad you felt eventually for what you did. You’re not perfect. No one is. So don’t seek revenge. You’ll just hurt yourself more.
Instead, find a way you can give to others. Focus on contribution. Where can you add value? What can you do to take your mind off the situation. We’re always living in our minds. Fear and animosity and guilt and resentment can snowball and turn from thoughts into emotions and into actions. You have to stop the avalanche and onslaught of feelings by shifting your focus. There’s no other way around it.
How To Avoid Digging Two Graves
If you’re really mad at someone, there are other alternatives to seeking revenge. There are other things that you can do instead of going out there and completely obliterating someone’s life. The fact of the matter is that you have to avoid seeking revenge because it won’t serve you. Not in the long run at least. Yes, in the short-term, you might feel better. But that’s about it. So what do you do when someone as literally done something so wrong to you that you feel the only alternative is revenge?
1. Write out one thing you learned from the situation
The first thing you should do when you feel like you need to seek revenge is to write out one thing you learned from the situation. But go into detail. Literally, you have to look for the silver-lining. If you can’t find one, conjure one up. What would it be if you absolutely had to pick just one thing? Write that down. Spend an entire page on what you learned from the situation. That’s the benefit in a bad situation.
2. Re-write the story from the other person’s perspective
Put yourself into the other person’s shoes. It’s hard to find fault in ourselves in any situation. But how can you re-write the story from the other person’s perspective? Pretend like you’re him or her (or them) and re-write the story from their perspective. How did they see things playing out? What did they see from their side of the coin? Spend an entire page doing this. Not just one sentence. Go into detail and really think about it.
3. What will you do differently next time around?
Think about this for a moment. What will you do differently next time? How will you act differently to avoid the situation from re-occurring? Will you be more guarded or will you act in a different way? Are you going to take different precautions? What is it? Write it down and spend an entire page on this. Again, not just one or two sentences. I want you to go into some serious detail with your answer.
4. What are you grateful for in your life right now?
Ask yourself this question. I assure you that it will shift your focus. What are you grateful for in your life right now? What do you have in this very moment that you are over-the-moon happy to have? That’s the question. Shift the focus. Go to gratitude. If you say there’s nothing, you’re not thinking enough. You’re six feet above ground. You can certainly read. And likely write. Even reason logically. Those are all important things. Just think about it. Spend an entire page on this.
5. How can you add value to the world today?
Last, but not least, think about this question. How can you add value to the world today? How can you reach other people and help them in some way? That’s the important question. Again, it’s a shift in focus. So write it down. Spend an entire page on this then go reach out to big influencers and people in your industry or niche and find ways you can help them. I assure you that it’s going to take your mind off of what happened to you.